Expert advice from Honey Langcaster-James
We asked celebrity psychologist Honey Langcaster-James to answer some of your most common questions about periods. Best known as a resident Psychologist on Channel 4’s Big Brother and ITV’s Love Island, Honey is working with Lil-Lets to offer women help and advice on how to deal with periods and the issues that come with them.
1. I eat so much chocolate during my period and then I feel bad for overindulging. How can I break the cycle?
There’s nothing wrong with treating yourself to a little chocolate when you’re feeling low or hormonal. But chocolate can be addictive so if you feel it’s getting out of hand try reaching for other foods that are equally indulgent but are a little healthier, like some strawberries or a cereal bar. Try keeping track of your periods so you know when they are due and can plan some time with your friends to take your mind off eating. Whether it’s a movie night, a catch up over a coffee or even a spot of shopping, spending time doing fun things is a great way to lift your mood and reduce the temptation to snack on chocolate.
2. I always feel bloated and frumpy during my period. How can I boost my confidence?
It is very common for women to feel unhappy with their appearance during their period. It’s a good idea to keep some glamorous but more forgiving outfits to wear at this time of the month. Loose fittings tops worn with jeans and boots or a printed floaty dress are ideal to wear when you’re feeling bloated and will help you to still feel attractive during this time. Spend a little more time doing your make up and choosing your outfit as it’s amazing how much these little ‘pick me ups’ will boost your confidence. It’s worth planning any routine beauty or hair appointments around your cycle too, as getting your hair or nails done can give you that little extra boost making you feel fabulous.
3. What should I do to make sure that I am emotionally and practically prepared for my period?
The best thing you can do to ensure that you’re prepared both emotionally and practically for your period is to plan ahead. There are lots of ways you can track your period and work out when it’s due, there are even Apps for it now that you can download onto your smart phone! If you share a calendar, or want to record it in your online calendar at work you can mark your periods with a symbol, like a flower or a star, or a code word so nobody but you knows what it means. Make sure you purchase your favourite Lil-Lets products well in advance as well as anything else you may need to see you through your period comfortably to avoid being stressed out at the last minute. Remember that periods are just the body’s way of keeping you healthy and if you are feeling a little low at this time plan something fun like a meal out or stock up on your favourite magazines.
4. I've over reacted to something a friend/boyfriend said because I'm due my period - how can I stop this from happening again?
It’s quite common for some women to over-react and become hyper-sensitive just before their period arrives. If you do feel you may have got upset over a small issue all you can do is apologise and explain why. Planning ahead and even letting your loved ones know when you may be experiencing PMT or feeling extra sensitive at certain times of the month should also help. Often however the things that upset you are more than likely real issues that you would have been upset about anyway, and are just magnified due to your hormonal state. Be careful your friend/boyfriend doesn’t just discount the way you have reacted on the grounds that your period is due.
5. How can I calm myself down when I'm feeling upset and emotional?
The best way to calm yourself down if you’re feeling upset and emotional before or during your period is to give yourself some time and space to relax. You can do this by focusing on your breathing. Breathing in and out very slowly, counting six seconds as you breathe in and six seconds as you breathe out again, is guaranteed to relax you physiologically and this will give you a vital few moments to calm yourself emotionally. If you’re concerned you may be about to snap at someone or become upset with them you can simply take time out by saying, “I need to take a moment for myself before I continue with our chat.”
If you’re just feeling very low and you’re on your own remind yourself that it’s OK to feel low sometimes and that it will pass soon. Give yourself permission to feel upset or emotional. You could even do this in the mirror by looking at yourself and saying, “I’m sorry you’re feeling blue. It’s OK though because this will pass soon.” Using this private self-soothing method can be very effective and can help you in a variety of situations when you’re feeling low.
6. I feel tired during my period - is there anything I can do to stop this from happening?
Some women feel physically drained and more tired than usual during their periods and this is perfectly normal. Psychologically it’s important to learn to listen to your body. It’s OK to feel a little more tired than usual and allow yourself time to rest. Don’t fight it and push yourself beyond your limits as this is when we tend to suffer the emotional after effects and end up distressed. Sometimes giving in to the tiredness and allowing ourselves to rest is all we need to pick ourselves up again and renew our energies.
7. My mood changes during my period - what can I do to avoid feeling blue?
Feeling blue around the time of your period is normal. If it’s severe and affects your daily functioning too much you should talk to your doctor because it’s possible that you may be suffering greater fluctuations in hormones than you need to. However, the vast majority of women will relate to generally feeling a little lack-lustre or down in the dumps around this time. Why not plan ahead and organise some gentle but enjoyable activities. Having some fun should help lift your mood. Remember though, it’s OK to feel a little down sometimes and it’s not necessarily the sign of a problem. Sometimes worrying about being down is the biggest problem.
8. All my friends have started their period apart from me - should I be worried?
Don’t worry; girls start their periods at different ages. Some are still young girls when their periods start and others may be considerably older than their friends. It can be hard emotionally if you feel you are the last in your group of friends but it can be equally hard to be the first. Providing you are fit and healthy in all other respects there is nothing to worry about if you haven’t started your periods but your friends have. It is often related to other issues rather than your age, like your body weight or even your genes. If your mum started her period early there is a chance you will too. There’s no need to feel embarrassed about the fact that your periods haven’t started yet, we all develop at different rates and some of your friends may have had their own worries. It’s a good idea to find someone you can trust to talk to about your concerns.
9. How do I talk to guys about periods (dads/brothers/boyfriends) without grossing them out?
It’s important that you can talk to the men in your life about your periods and your feelings you are having at that time of the month. However, men don’t need to know all the graphic details and you probably wouldn’t want them to either! Men are not mind readers so it’s important to give them a chance by simply letting them know that you are feeling extra sensitive and in need of some TLC. This should be enough to let them know that you may need a little more support at this time.
10. How do I talk to my daughter about starting her periods?
Many mums find it easier to talk to their daughters about starting their periods if they have previously been relatively open with their daughters about their own periods. It’s a good idea to mention your own period when your daughter is younger, maybe why you have period pains or are feeling a little emotional. This means that when your daughter approaches an age when she may begin her own periods it won’t come as a shock and she will know that you’re comfortable with it all. If your daughter is older and you’ve never had a conversation about it it’s a good idea to find out what she knows already. You can do this casually by asking, “Have you learned about periods at school yet?” and lead on from there. Most young girls worry about the age they will be when they start and whether they will be first or last in their friendship group. Reassure your daughter that all girls are different and, if you feel comfortable, you can relay your own story of how and when you started your period. Many mothers find this time in their daughter’s lives brings them closer and helps them to understand each other even better. You can find more helpful advice online at www.becomingateen.co.uk